I had wanted the freedom to write: time to call my own - and now I've got it.
The muse should find me busy . I strive to write - easiest in the first draft where the word count rises. Echoes of s.m.a.r.t. targets. I pummel the writing into shape, scan it for every last redundant adverb, any hint of the passive voice and make marks appear on the screen. So much extracting of teeth.
House elf duties mute my jabbering conscience. I should be this, I should be that. Tutoring gives me some structure and cash. Crutches, the both of them.Thalia stands behind my shoulder and sings the phrase I need when I water the strawberries. She drops a tern's feather for a quill into my lap while I'm on the bus. She leaves messages on the strand-line for me to find when I'm picking up sea glass. She won't be ordered.
She chooses to come and inspire when I'm just being.
It's all a bit Buddhist for a lass from the West Riding, a scholarship girl . I feel like the third little pig finding out his brother's hut of living willow is the one to have in an earthquake zone. How do I find that shy dreamy girl, the one I had to outgrow, and tell her she's needed?Self-discipline and creativity - what a pairing . For me, trying to nurture these two dizygotic twins is like coming to terms with drift diving. You have to be organised. There are rules: depth, air, time. Yet it is letting the current take you that leads to the freedom and the fun. You can't control it.
I pray that in time this new way of life produces something rich and strange in my work.
beautiful post! Look forward to reading more...
ReplyDeleteThis feels like a cross reference to Savita Kalhan's Abba blog about her son going away for a week and suddenly finding she has too much time to write. Restructuring one's life is always a big challenge but I'm sure lots of rich and strange will emerge at this new stage. Lovely post!
ReplyDeleteI work at home most of the time, so writing and day job and family all tend to blur together. My kids refer to all of it as "Daddy's Work" and I guess writing is going that way for me, now.
ReplyDeleteI do try to add structure by only writing at the start and end of the day, but it's hard sometimes when the publishing industry is working office hours as well and there's no boss peering over my shoulder. Ultimately I have tasks and deadlines in each job, so I have to juggle as best I can!
I hear where you're coming from - such resonance...
ReplyDeleteThe muse won't be ordered...such a lovely way to think of it. No, she won't. She'll find me on the Metropolitan line on my way to work and desert me on a quiet Sunday when I'm at the desk, fingers poised eagerly over keyboard.
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